Nationals Inquisition

Shawn Hill, originally uploaded by angela n..

I used to get irate when the Nats dropped a game to the Baltimore Orioles like they did last night at Camden Yards, 5-3, because the Orioles are the cross the beltway rivals.

But then I remember that they are the Orioles and they have sucked for over 10 straight seasons so beating them would be a like a Ninja Master beating up a middle school goth kid. Nothing to be too proud of. Plus, interleague games are nothing but a gimmicky marketing campaign. You can’t force a rivalry between these two teams. They hardly play each other.

So when it comes to the Orioles, I don’t care. It sucks when the Nats lose to such a dump team, but it is just another loss or another win– but I am still pissed over the TV rights. They should battle for those.

Last night’s loss saw some terrible fielding by Felipe Lopez, Elijah Dukes, and Lastings Milledge. Once again, the tough thing called “fundamentals” completely baffled the Nats. It was easily that shaky defense that lost the game, but pitcher Shawn Hill says, “Take me instead of them” and so we shall.

What a sacrifice. Throw yourself under the bus, Hill:

“After the game, Hill declined to blame his first loss of the season on the defense. The right-hander said he was frustrated he hasn’t been able to command his breaking pitches this season. When it’s not working, the hitters are waiting for the fastball.

It’s difficult to fix the problem because Hill can’t pitch bullpen sessions between starts due to a sore right forearm. There are days when he is in serious pain and others when he thinks the problem is just about gone.

“I just have to fight through it. I have to figure out a way I can be consistent,” Hill said. “Right now, I’m not. I can’t even work on it between starts. I have to take as much time off between starts to let the arm rest up.”

Hill gave up four earned runs in five innings of work. I know the NQ predicted it would be four games then back to the DL for Shawn Hill (not my appendix) and we were wrong about that. But you know it’s coming. Every Nats fan knows it is going to happen and this confession only makes it more eminent.

Ow, geezis. Shawn Hill My Appendix just gave me a shot of pain.

Damn it, we know, we know!

It’s a rare day when ESPN (The World Leader in Boston and NY Sports) actually takes time out of their busy schedules to write something about the Washington Nationals. It’s a complete freak of nature when they write about the Washington Nationals and it is actually something worth reading. The planets must be in some rare configuration if they write about the Nats, it’s worth it, and it’s actually good writing!

The impossible has happened.

The newest issue of ESPN: The Magazine features a well written, in-depth article on Nats troubled and unproven outfielder Elijah Dukes. It is in physical paper print form anywhere newspapers and magazines are sold, but since I don’t like giving that company money, you can just view the online article right here.

Highlights of the article include a good look at Duke’s criminal past, the choking of a player, the impregnating of 17 year old, being called a chromosomal abnormality, and Elijah Dukes crying after a coach tore into him…he then proceeded to assault the coach. But the article also touches on the talents of Dukes and what he could mean to the future of the Washington Nationals.

I also encourage you to read the Chris Jones comments who gives an interesting take on Dukes that you don’t hear that often.

Last night, Willie Harris’ phenomenal catch in left field was #1 on SportsCenter’s Top 10 and now, this article. Two bits of recognition.

Now if they only fire Buster Olney, I might actually tune in once in awhile.

Uh oh, there is that gigantic bobble bellied bird pictured. That can only mean one thing: nothing highly interesting. WTOP:

Screech, the Nats’ bald eagle mascot, and the racing presidents invaded Baltimore’s Inner Harbor, carrying signs like, “Old Bay Stinks!” and “I’ll Race the Orioles Bird and Beat Him!” and “Honestly, the Nats will Sweep Baltimore, Hun!”

The Oriole Bird showed up too, along with some Charm City hecklers who tried to drive out their visitors.

Washington Nationals Entertainment Coordinator Tom Davis says the team mascots took the quick trip up Interstate 95 to drum up the rivalry before the O’s host the Nats this weekend.

I am almost positive that is the most exciting thing the City of Baltimore has seen in over 100 years: two gigantic birds silently bickering near an aquarium. Both King Kong and Cloverfield could show up in B-More’s Inner Harbor to duke it out and residents would probably just shake it off as another crack deal in public view, but this PR stunt, wow.

Nothing says heated rivalry better than six foot, walking, synthetic KFC.

jarabacoa dominican republic, originally uploaded by offordscott.

I asked my staff for a picture of something Dominican Republic-ish for this posting. I thought I was going to get something like a flag or maybe some old pic from the DR team from the World Baseball Classic, but I instead got this which I posted just because I don’t know what I am looking at so maybe you can tell me. Is that really possible?

The reason we are talking DR is because the Nationals have signed three international prospects, all 18 and under, and from– you guessed it. The Dominican Republic:

“The Nationals have agreed to terms on professional contracts with three international prospects from the Dominican Republic — infielders Elvin Cuello (16), Joseph Cabreja and Alex Romero (18).

Director of scouting Dana Brown and Ed Durkin, special assistant to the vice president, recently scouted all three players at the Lloma del Sueno complex in San Cristobal, Dominican Republic.

“These three prospects could develop into impact players,” Brown said. “They are strong additions to our Latin American program, as we continue to build our farm system through the Draft and international signings. We are especially excited about Cuello, who projects as a quality, switch-hitting middle infielder.”

I won’t pretend to know anything about these kids other than they are from the DR, they play baseball, and probably love watching Family Guy and eating Mac-and-Cheese. Really, who doesn’t at that age?

The NQ digs these moves as the Nats continue to dip into the International pool of talent. We won’t see these kids for a few years if at all, but hopefully at least one of them pans out.

I can imagine Dana Brown having this huge God-complex and having visions of world domination like those villains in old Kung-Fu movies. He probably lives on an island, dresses like some sort of new age substitute teacher, and has a metal claw for a hand. He then goes out to the ball field and sits on throne behind home plate and screams, “Let the tournament begin!” Later he sells the soul of the winner to Washington Nationals.

That fiend!

Dear Lord! Got to my desk this morning and there is quite a few Nats News items sitting ready to report. The staff must be really trying to avoid The Pear tonight. Ha, ha, we shall see! Let’s get to this…

Unfortunately the news turned out bad for the injured Nick Johnson. He has been placed on the 15 Day DL with an injured wrist. The injury is looking to keep him out for 4-6 weeks. That means first base is open game and while Aaron Boone has filled in nicely and effectively at the position over the last few days, Commander Manny Acta has decided to get a little crazy and baffle the minds of Nats fans with this move:

On Friday, the club is expected to activate first baseman Dmitri Young from the 15-day disabled list. He will become the everyday first baseman in Johnson’s absence, while Aaron Boone will be the backup. With Interleague action starting on Friday night against the Orioles at Camden Yards, however, Young most likely will be the designated hitter.

Oh rapture! Dmitri Young is back to astound us and bring joy to the little children of the world by passing out toys and riding reindeer. Maybe now the fans can finally realign their perceptions since it was the fans and critics faulty “perceptions” to blame for Dmitri Young’s weight and health problems that have kept him out of the game apparently. Yes, we did it all with our eyes and minds. I am so sorry, Young.

Nats fans might want to close their eyes if he truly is going to be the starting first baseman even though he has only swung the bat twice in MLB action this year. I don’t understand how you can start this guy over Aaron Boone who is swinging the bat and can actually move around and play first base, you know, be an athlete. Young at first base is just asking for trouble. The only worse thing the Nats can do is live up to that horrid rumor about grooming Young for left field. The guy can hardly do a jumping jack. Do you think Young could of pulled off that game ending Boone-Zimmerman double play from yesterday? Not a chance.

The only thing enticing about Young is his bat and it really is the only asset he brings to the Nats. Forget all that garbage about “team leading” and “mentoring whoever.” That is nothing but fluff trying to cover up the fact the Nats signed an old, unhealthy, designated hitter to an NL team. Might as well turn him loose tonight at DH to see what he can do and to also keep him out of the field.

Remember: YOUR perceptions created this beast. Maybe he is like Freddy Kruger and if we don’t believe in him he will just go away.

I would of updated sooner, but my heart suddenly seized up in the stress and suspense of today’s pitcher’s duel between Nats pitcher Jason Bergmann and Team Choke East’s Mike Pelfrey. I blacked out for a bit, but woke up in time to see Willie Harris’ insane grab in the bottom of the ninth inning that basically saved the game. Then I fainted again. When I woke up the next time the Nats had won 1-0 and had taken 3 of 4 from the Choking Team of the East.

Damn you, Willie Harris. Damn you and your never ceasing need to play good baseball! If you haven’t seen the catch, see it HERE. Incredible glove work and it should make his case as left fielder even stronger. Or at least putting him out there more frequently.

One might be surprised at the NQ’s lack of praise and worship over the Beachball’s pitching performance today and to that we say: SURPRISE!!!! Bergmann gave a hell of a performance today, but he is Jason Bergmann. He has done this before; pitched like a master, but then pitched like a fool afterwards. His praise will come at a later time. For now, the team should milk him while he is good. If he stays good, even better. We will leave it to the media and other blogs to put glitz and glam on one performance.

But what remains a constant is an atrocious Nationals offense who went hitless for six innings against Mike Pelfrey, Mike Pelfrey! I cannot understand how a whole team’s offense can be on a full blown slump for this long. Maybe if it was Zimmerman or Kearns, two guys, okay. But a whole team? While the Nats aren’t earth shattering players, they are certainly better than what they have been playing. Most definitely. So what is the problem?

It has to be something behind the scenes, something the public is not privy to. Some crossed wires or disturbance between the managers and the players or the FO and the team. It’s like we are watching a “team strike” which doesn’t involve play stoppage. It’s just too unbelievable to think the offense is this dead, especially against other team’s lowly starters.

And it’s unbelievable that this same struggling offense took three of four from Team Choke East, well, it is Team Choke East so maybe it’s not that unbelievable, but still.  Let me watch that Willie Harris catch again just to be sure–

– oh God…my heart!!!!

Ronnie Belliard Congratulates Jesus Flores on his Home Run, originally uploaded by spinfly.

I guess when your a team that has been spoiled on your own supposed magnificence and pampered by every sports network, publication, and the whole citizenship of New York, you get bad feelings and act a little unusual when you lose to a team you’re supposed to beat.

Who am I kidding? Team Choke East acts like a bunch of spoiled lunatics even when they win, so take no pity as the Washington Nationals beat up on them 5-3 in front of the diseased mob at Shea Litterbox.

Only days after some guy named Nelson Figueroa accused the Nats of lacking class and acting like “a bunch of softball girls”, Team Choke shows it’s true colors. In the fifth inning, dinosaur Moises Alou-asaurus Rex struck out looking and then smashed the dirt in front of him with his bat like Bamm-Bamm Rubble from the Flintstones throwing a tantrum. He was promptly ejected and he stormed back into the dugout looking to put his head on Willie Randolph’s shoulder for a cry.

A half inning later, Ryan Zimmerman sent a satellite into orbit to tie the game at that point and in the seventh inning Jesus Flores helped put the Nats in the lead for good with some clutch hitting and an RBI. A shaky outing by the bullpen was able to preserve the win.

Being a Nats Neo-Journalist and writer for other publications, my schedule is full, but if I had the time, I would photoshop Ronnie Belliard out of that photo and insert a picture of Moises Alou in a high chair and a bonnet. That way it looks like Flores is smacking the tar out of the old fossil.

Team Choke East, a classy organization. Please. Finding class on that team is like dropping your wedding ring into a dung filled toilet only to realize after fishing around in it for a few minutes that you were never married.

I think that made sense. Yeah.

In an amazing, but horrific accident, Nick Johnson injured his wrist when a blazing wall of fire suddenly appeared on the field and raged toward him. Just as he was about to be engulfed, Aaron Boone in a leopard print loin cloth swung down on a vine and whisked him off to safety. Later that night, in a treehouse made of palm leaves and bamboo, the two shared straight whiskey while eating raw red meat and watching Gladiator.

That is exciting and interesting as hell, but unfortunately it is all fiction except for the NJ hurting his wrist part. We probably should be thankful for the fiction that is the loin cloth part too. Chico Harlan over at the Nationals Journal brings us back to reality:

Injury update on Nick Johnson.

He’s heading back to DC this evening for a wrist examination that will determine the extent of an injury he sustained in his final at bat yesterday. The team is still saying he’s day-to-day, but it seems like Johnson is concerned. He left the clubhouse today with his right wrist wrapped in a splint.

“I hope it’s nothing serious, but today it’s pretty sore,” he said. “Last night I couldn’t really sleep, it was pretty sore, and today I can’t really move it. I hope the drugs kick in.”

Oh God, share those drugs, NJ. The fans are going to need them.

Why does this happen to such a good guy at such a horrid time? He is such a great player and asset to the Nats, current stats be damned. The team is going to miss his OBP and presence. The only positive to this is it may not really be anything but soreness and at least it wasn’t an injury to his leg. Keep your fingers crossed. This will probably mean a DL stint which would free up room for Beachball to join the team tomorrow.

This is so depressing. Let’s return to the fantasy: …suddenly, there is a knock at the door and standing there is both Phoebe Kates and Jenna Fischer, scantly clad, holding a bottle of Captain Morgan and saying, “Gee fellas, we are in need of two more for our Mud Wrestling competition…”

I want to go on the DL with Nick Johnson!

The Nationals are all about sustainability and the environment. That is why apparently Jason Bergmann has been recalled from the minors to come up and give it another go around with the Big Club. They recycle over and over again.

According to the atrocity that is MASN, Bergmann will be called up in time for Thursday’s game against Team Choke East. As of now, no word on who is going down or being traded or being sent to Venus to make room for the confidence shaky Bergmann.

As soon as We have a viable link to this move, we will post it.

<sarcasm>I’m sure Team Choke East is completely dreading Thursday. In fact, the whole NL is so shaken by the return of Jason “Beachball” Bergmann that they have probably already rearranged their line-ups accordingly. The Nats certainly are pulling out all the stops now. Look out!</sarcasm>

austin kearns10, originally uploaded by a fan of the game.

Well, we have returned to the dark, damp, subterranean NQ Headquarters in time to watch the circus that was tonight’s Nationals game. Nats lose to Team Choke East 6-3.

This loss came at the hands, or lack of, of Austin Kearns who made yet another fielding blunder which broke a 3-3 tie and put two runs across the plate for Team Choke. Of course, plenty of other things can be said to have led to the Nats demise such as really bad strike calls from the NY Homer Umps and Manny Acta leaving Luis Ayala out there more than one inning, but let’s concentrate on the outfield.

Austin Kearns was supposed to be the vet in a young Nats outfield who was looking to have a breakout year. Unless he overdoses on HGH and Viagra for the rest of the season, this prediction is not going to come to pass. He is hitting .201, has only had three home runs in 139 at bats, and his defensive performance has been seriously lacking. He has the experience and he has an absolute cannon for an arm, but for all intensive purposes, Kearns looks finished.

JimBo and Acta are completely sold on Kearns and want him in that outfield, but this favoritism is beginning to hurt the team. But what are the Nats to do? They can bench or trade Kearns, but who would want him and do they really trust the adventure that could be the outfield of Pena, Milledge, Dukes/Unknown Platoon? Pena and Milledge are doing no better with their bats or their defense and Elijah Dukes has probably got more summons than times he has stepped into the outfield his whole major league career.

Justin Maxwell and Ryan Langerhans are both waiting in the wings to be called up and at this juncture, it probably is time to see what these guys can do because the current incarnation of the Washington Nationals is just not getting it done.

Which is why the Magician Valentino will be called to the Nats locker room where he will prepare a potion to transform them all into ravaging beasts of burden so they might serve the Lord and Master.

You have been warned.